What Is Beauty Anyway?

Something has been on my mind lately. And it is something I truly struggle with. Not because I think I'm lacking in this area, but because I hate to see others feel as if they aren't worth much over such a ridiculous concept. What is beauty anyway? And does the way we look actually matter?

 Yesterday I went to a renaissance festival with the boy I’m dating. I wore a belly shirt and short shorts and . . . well, I got hit on a lot. By other guys. My boy was good about it; he laughed and made jokes which I really appreciated! Because it bothers me when people get super jealous. We had a bunch of fun together, but as we were walking out he said a little mournfully “My girlfriend’s hotter than me”. I didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t until that moment I realized dating me might have a toll on his confidence. People have told me before that I am too pretty for him, some people have even told me I shouldn’t be with him for that very reason. But I disagree. I think he is really cute. I always have; from day one. I don’t think he’s by any means ugly. And I certainly don’t think I’m that much prettier than him. But most of all, I just do not understand why it matters. Why does anyone care?

I remember a time in my life when I wasn’t sure if I was pretty. High school. I questioned myself. Boys did not like me, except an occasional geeky boy (nothing wrong with geeks!) that would confess and ya know, creepily stare at me and kinda freak me out. Anyway, it wasn’t enough to feed my dwindling teenage confidence. I would look in the mirror and pick my face apart until I found explanations for why boys might not like me. A frequent target was my nose. It was too wide in my opinion. One day in front of my bathroom mirror I stood there hating my nose. I took my forefinger and thumb and squished my nose in so it would look thinner, to see what I would look like if my nose wasn’t so wide. I didn’t look like myself. And I didn’t like it. I’ve done similar things with my cheeks, lips, and eyes; shaping them to what the world says looks good, and preferring the way I am over the world. Whenever I don’t feel pretty (it hardly happens anymore) I squish my nose to remind myself that I like the way I look and as long as I like it I don’t need to rely on the world to like it too. The funny thing is, after I stopped worrying if I was pretty enough, other people started to think I was really hot!

So what is beauty? Beauty is a mass of opinions. And because of conformity and a pinch of evolutionary instinct, as a society we have formed an idea of what is beautiful and what is not. But does this actually define beauty? Nope. You define beauty. In your own way. Everyone does. Some people think blue eyes are beautiful, others may not. Some people like big butts. Some people like small tits. We all have preferences. We all have opinions. Choose to love the things about yourself that you cannot change. Redefine beauty. Form your own opinions rather than go along with what others say. And for heaven’s sake, recognize that what is most beautiful is not something you can see with your eyes.

 I’m going to have an honest moment. Sometimes it bothers me that my boyfriend isn’t on the same level as me on the world’s beauty scale. It does. Because I’m human and I care what other people think. I don’t want anyone to think I’m dating him because he’s got money or I have no self esteem, neither of which are true. Lately I’ve been good at not caring about what their judgments might be. However, at times it is difficult. I'm working on it. I want people to understand what I see. I want people to see his little smile in the corners of his mouth. I want people to admire his sharp curve of his eyebrow bones. I want people to look at a face and find what is beautiful rather than what is not.

When I say this, I say it with complete sincerity: Everyone is beautiful. This might be cliché and cheesy but it’s true. There is not a single person on this earth who doesn’t have something about them that makes them beautiful. Whether it is their eyes, their teeth, their belly button, their laugh, their imagination, their movements, their presence, or even the lessons they teach you. Beauty is naturally found everywhere in this world. You can still agree with some of society’s opinions for beauty, of course. Just don’t allow it to destroy you.

Two more thoughts. First: the more you love yourself, the more you will love this world and your life. The more you love, the more you will be loved. Second: This is something I didn’t understand in high school and it drove me nuts! Boyfriends do not give girls confidence. But girls with confidence do get the best boyfriends.

Thanks for reading! I hope I successfully made you think about things, accept yourself, and get that warm fuzzy feeling. 

Hug

The difference is astonishing. The gesture is exactly the same. A hug.

Last night the hug was from a boy I think I know well but don’t. I felt his arms around me, tightly holding me, but I could feel that he did not want me there. In fact, the purpose of the hug was to make me leave. I clung to him as if my life depended on it. My hand slowly slipped away from my wrist, which was the hold that locked us together. Silently I begged him to want me there. It didn’t work and eventually I gave up trying to receive what was not being given.

I sullenly drove home. I remembered a very different hug from my brother.

It was after a high school 5k cross country race. I was 16 and emotionally unstable. Add endorphins and fatigue and you’ve got chaos. I crossed the finish line and started to cry. I’m not sure why. I said I felt guilty for beating two team mates when I didn’t deserve it, except I did because I ran faster. I was truly making a fool of myself. But my brother hugged me. I cried into his shirt and he held me together. In that hug he let me know everything was alright. I knew that I was wanted in those arms. I knew that no matter what; no matter how annoying, stupid, or silly I was, I would always be welcome in those arms. I would always be loved. I was safe.

A hug. The gesture is exactly the same. The difference is astonishing.

I miss my brothers.

Why Hate Taylor Swift?

I recently made a facebook post expressing my love for Taylor Swift as a musical artist and I was surprised at the response I got. People commented that they thought her music is nothing more than a whinny annoying girl who has way too many boyfriends, complaining about her life. And I really don’t get it. Why do so many people hate Taylor Swift?

I mean sure, she does not know how to dress herself in a logical or attractive way. She is NOT country anymore; she can’t even pretend to be country anymore! And she’s dated every mop-headed creep in Hollywood . . . and it seems like they were the ones who broke up with her. Weird. But, hey, she’s a child star who hasn’t completely lost it. She’s not on hard drugs or anything, no major alcohol problems and no major sluttiness. So what’s the big deal? Why hate Taylor and her very honest music lyrics?

In psychology there’s something called projection. It’s when an individual “projects” traits about themselves onto other people. This is why we don’t like other people. If we see a trait we don’t like about ourselves in someone else, we get super annoyed by that person. For example, Sally really hates her laugh, it’s loud and annoying. On the train one day Sally sat next to someone who was laughing loudly and it really bothered Sally more than anyone else on the train because she saw something she disliked about herself in someone else. Likewise, all the people who complain about Taylor Swift complaining in all of her music are the kinds of people who complain constantly.

Those who say “ALL” of Taylor Swift’s music is complaining obviously have never listened to anything by Taylor except the songs from the radio. I don’t mean to sound like a hipster, but they need to come out of the mainstream before they make their judgments. My personal favorites by Taylor don’t have a single hint of complaining (Enchanted, State of Grace, Treacherous, Jump and Fall) so maybe others should actually listen to her album before they play critic.

And, let’s be real. She writes her own music. That’s awesome. Very few musical artists do that. And she writes about what’s important to her and what she’s going through. Let her complain, it’s her therapy. If she can make a ton of money off of it, snaps to her! What she does is rare; there is only one Taylor Swift.

So really, Taylor has done nothing wrong. Anyone who hates her has chosen to hate her, for the sole purpose to hate someone. Before you decide to hate her, take a look at yourself and figure out what you can do to be a better person instead of rant about how obnoxious Taylor is.